The greatest gift any parent can give their children is to help them to become self-reliant on their own problems. I define self-reliant as helping kids to “become and accept self-responsibility of their own mistakes” that which so few parents do. The greatest gift you as a parent you can give your child if you are already or when you become one, is helping your child to take self-responsibility of their own mistakes.
And self-responsibility when it comes to a kid means training your child to not blame and complain their mistakes on other people, but to take responsibility that I did it, I attracted it and I can solve it. The reason why most children grow up to depend on others especially employees is that they were never taught to become self-reliant on their own lives in their childhood.
Children need to understand that the only way they will become more successful in life is to learn to learn a positive lessons from any made mistakes. The best lessons are found in mistakes learnt; and success most times is a lazy louse teacher found in mistakes. As a parent, stop criticizing children for their mistakes and find a way to help them learn from them. Those are children, they will be making mistakes as they are growing up and criticizing them is not a good idea, it’s a worse idea. Not limiting to children alone; even us adults criticizing ourselves is a bad worse idea. Even though for me criticism is a sigh that I have to learn something from that critic, but few adults have learnt this livelihood-skill to learn from criticism. I have learned to take criticism positively, but most people have learnt to take criticism negatively.
Teaching your kids self-responsibility is a livelihood skill not a life skill. A livelihood skill is an inner skill we use to overcome everyday spiritual or mental problems of self-caused or caused by others; problems like anger, criticism, mistakes, and overcoming temptation; and also a skill we use to create the life we want, the inner courageous to fulfilling personal dreams or goals, thinking constructively and of knowing ourselves as spiritual beings.
Life-skills are these worldly known skills like carpentry, mechanics, farming or gardening, as a plumber, as an electrician etc. Livelihood-skills are inner skills that play a great role when it comes to overcoming everyday problems, which is why you should teach your child to become self-responsibility if you want them to develop self-confidence when it comes to overcoming everyday difficults.
Children need to understand that it’s not the mistakes they make that makes a difference; but their perception, their response is what makes a difference, and if that response is negative; the situation becomes negative and a positive lesson can never be learnt. And if a child is self-confident, he or she will always learn from their own mistakes, and if a child can learn from their own mistakes; then it’s easy for them to learn from other people’s mistakes too. Usually people, who don’t learn from other people’s mistakes don’t learn from their own mistakes too.
Parents how you respond to your child when a mistake is made, is 95% how they will end up in reality; and if your response is negative they too will carry the negative. The reason why children don’t accept or lie to their parents when they make mistakes is because their parent’s response is negative or harsh when they make a mistake. And as a parent if your response continues to become negative, you will discover your children will keep on making the same mistakes for a certain period of time. Reason; they have not learnt from that mistake and your response has contributed to those repeated mistakes. If you are a parent and your children lie to you, remember that you are the one who taught them to lie through your response.
The other biggest problem most parents make is to solve all their kid’s problems. Steve Keating said “If you solve all of your kid’s problem, your kids will always have problems to solve.” I add on too, “If you solve all your kid’s problems, you will always have your kid’s problems to solve.” Instead, support them to solve their own problems, not you solving every problem; and watch how their confidence will grow. And when they will make a mistake, most times they will solve it on their own without you knowing.
Remember if you want your children to develop self-confidence to solve problems; they should be given as much responsibility as they can handle at any age level.