This is also true when it comes to friendship, business relationships or parent child relationship, etc; as I say alcoholic habits attracts alcoholic habits, and this is my experience. That’s why many people like hanging out with people who have similar habits.

I came across this wisdom in one of the articles that changed my thinking when it came to being in relationships with girls or women that “A negative, depressed, pessimistic, untidy, emotionally challenged person will more than likely to attract a mirror reflection of him or herself. Too often, people believe they can hide their “defects” forever from a Mr. or Mrs. Perfect who is going to relieve them of their miseries, instead of working on every aspect of themselves to the point that they are happy with themselves completely.”  

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person” – Gloria Steinem

We often want our idea of the perfect partner to enter our lives and stay forever, yet we are not willing to do what it takes to be the “perfect” partner for someone else. We can prevent ourselves from painful experiences as well as the loss of precious time and energy if we begin by first working on ourselves. Gandhi said, “Be the first change that you want to see in your world.” It’s better to change yourself for better than trying to change your girl friend or wife; and remember if you change and others can’t change, move on with your life and shake dust out of your hands, it’s your life.

Our job is not here to change people, but to become an inspirational TV to inspire others to change themselves, and that can only happen if we begin to change ourselves first. A person changes himself if he or she is ready to change, not you to change them when they are not ready.

My garbage must not be my partner’s garbage and not my partner’s job too, to get rid of my caused garbage, and that’s what happens in some relationships when one or both spouses bring garbage from wherever they came with it from. My garbage is my responsibility to get rid of it, not it ends up becoming a relationship garbage, that’s why they is so much conflicts in some relationships because most couples garbage ended up marrying their spouses too, more especially when both came into marriage with garbage outside marriage or from other relationships.

And get this point, from my observations in many marriages; spouses are not REAL to themselves, many of them are like actors acting a script that was not written by them. I believe marriage must be a bond that must awaken couples to themselves, but mostly it never does, like some friends I meet around with, some complain and blame their spouses in front of me as it was me who gun pointed them to marry their spouses.

Let not my garbage marry my wife, girl friends or boy friend, my garbage is my responsibility and I must work it out, not my spouse to come wipe it out for me, that’s making my spouse my employee or slave and not my spouse, though some marriages or relationships have just employed each other, or one has employed for other.     

 A year and months ago I meet and became friends with a lady 5 or more years younger than me, while we were in our conversation I asked her what type of guys she likes or would like to date and also I noticed that she was wanting to fall into some dating but being too Holly Christian draw her behind more from not dating some guys out there. Her answers were;

  • She: I want a guy who doesn’t smoke. Me: I do smoke me, but not often.
  • She: I don’t want a guy who drinks. Me: I do drink, you even know, you have seen often.
  • She: I want guy who has good heart and goes to the same church I go too. Me: I have a good heart but I don’t go to your church, in fact am not a religious guy.

A year and moths later, she is still single, dated somehow here and there, but still ending up single and now surprise is, her interests are after me, the bad boy, and the imperfect guy; NOW, I hope she finds Mr. Perfect One, if she begins with herself. Often the people we don’t see to be perfect are our perfect partners, simply because the imperfection we see in them is our reflection of our imperfection within us.   

And for sure like attracts like. You may not drink alcohol but you often find yourself drawn to people who drink alcohol. The advice if you don’t like something, just stopping thinking about it, talking about it or hating it, by doing this you attract what think, talk and hate about; you attract in life what don’t like too. My research mentor told me once that “Never even hate the word hate”, and in my junior 8th grade I hated students who smoked, but, guess what I ended up into, begun smoking too, in fact became a master of my junior student.    

I do make mistakes, but I don’t need to sit on my imperfection, I have to learn to work to clean my own imperfection, not hide them because I want to get married or date this special diamond person so called, or then I will change when am in marriage, that’s bulls shit; I must begin with myself first and by doing that am being real to others, myself and my life. someone said divorce can only be avoided before marriage, and for sure that’s why we see many couples physically married but psychologically divorced, just was in hope that they get rid of their garbage after enter in marriage or a relationship, that does not work often. Our problem is our own responsibility, not just waiting for some miracle Aladin out there to come clean them for us.  

There is nothing wrong of being imperfect or perfect, but what is wrong is not being “REAL” with yourself and your life, and if you are not REAL to yourself it will be difficult to get rid of that imperfection out of yourself. Be true to yourself, you are the only answer to cure and heal your own problems. Moreover Life was meant to be lived, and the best way to live life is to be REAL WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE and you will become a perfect partner to yourself and others too. You must be your perfect spouse first.

“He is the greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own”
– Henry Ward Beecher